Eulogy for My Father

Phillip B. Robinson (1925-2020)

This is a happy day. Because you really can’t ask for more. My father lived a brilliant life to a ripe old age, and all of us got to benefit from his wisdom, generosity and affection right up to the end. We all know the impressive resume my father left behind, so I'll focus on the little things that I’ll remember most. You may recognize some of them.

My father loved playing the host…as long as the party was over by quarter to nine. He loved being the one to show you the sights, treat you to good food, get you on skis or out golfing…and by god you were going to do it all whether you liked it or not.

A culinary innovator. His signature dishes included boiled, bitter octopus, salami and eggs medium-rare, morning coffee colonics, and his special preparation of instant oatmeal in pool of lukewarm milk and tap water. All I can say is Yum.

He was a stickler for time. No one was spared his loud, guttural "Let's Go!" or "C'mon!" and unless you left by 6 AM and drove the 9 hours to or from Canada without stopping you were certainly in store for a "What took you so long?” and “Why did you leave so late?" He kept his pockets bursting with random items no matter how broken or expired, and a thick wad of loose cash he’d expose to shocked audiences when purchasing an 80 cent candy bar.

I'll remember his mainstay brands - Rolaids, Tums, Stimudents, Waterpik, Radio Shack, Syms, Price Club, Goldberg’s, Almond Crunch, Black Licorice, and of course Don Diego cigars. And the restaurants we frequented past and present - Nick's Roast Beef, Dino's, Tony's Bar and Grill, Bernie’s, The State Line Diner, and in Canada, St Hubert, Sue Wongs, The Creperie, The Charcuterie, and Le Vieux Four.

He was the consummate handyman, and for years Crazy Glue was his tool of choice until quick-expanding spray-foam insulation came along. And there was no job, inside or out, that couldn't be tackled in bikini briefs and an open bathrobe. A visionary. He spent most of his later years trying to prove you could indeed recharge non-rechargeable batteries. 

Another little known fact…he liked animals.

But in all seriousness, I was lucky enough to have let my father know exactly how I felt about him in a letter I sent four years ago:

____

Dear Dad,

I love you. My earliest memories are of being by your side, feeling loved, feeling special and feeling safe. Beyond love, I also have a deep admiration for your intelligence, your experience and your generous nature. I always marvel at how many lives you've touched, and how many people who feel such a deep affection and devotion to you. You have given us all something to aspire to and I feel the pressure of living up to your example with my family and friends. This is your legacy and it is one for which you should be extremely proud.

You have also been a tremendous provider. Your generosity to your children, your grandchildren, your extended family, your friends, and yes, your pets, has gone far beyond the call. We can only hope to reciprocate in small measures that could never fully repay our debt.

We've had our differences, our arguments, and there are regrettable moments as there are sure to be in any close relationship, but know that my love and affection for you has never wavered.

____

As one final tribute to my father, we've agreed not to pay any of the funeral expenses and expect you all to be witnesses for the defense in a long and protracted court battle.